Wednesday, 16 May 2012
I see that there may be some kind of limit thing about to happen on Xanga with locks. I'm not concerned because I don't use any locks. When I first got on here not too long ago, I didn't know anything about locks or trolls or whatever because, for those of you who don't know, I'm relatively new to computers and the internet. After a while on Xanga, I was hit by a few trolls and also learned what locks were. I didn't like them because I figured, "Who cares, it's just the internet. None of this is real."
As time passed though, I came to realize that I had become emotionally involved with the people I was "talking" to here. Then Corvyus Morte supposedly committed suicide here and I actually had tears over that. My my. The worst thing though is that I was becoming deeply responsive to the comments and number and views I got, which could effect my moods and how my day went. Very bad for someone who still doesn't believe the internet is reality. After a while I began identifying what I was feeling online more with the fact that we are chemical creatures and that being involved in social networking releases certain chemicals in us, like oxytocin. As a side note, I had a long and tortuous experience with infatuation in my life. I thought infatuation was love into my fourties and it took me another decade to fully discern the difference. So I referenced my long history of infation and compared it to the feelings I was having with Xanga/social networking. Very similar indeed.
When I saw the effects that trolls had on some people I was amazed. How could they let this bother them? Trolls were just another part of the unreal world of the internet. Then, as I became more emotionally attached to the people I was blogging with, I could see how trolls affected them, and, after I got hit by a few myself, I actuallt felt some urge to get rid of them, but it wasn't that strong. More, I felt like playing with them because my evil dark side has nothing to do these days and I thought it would be fun to mess with them. After all, what could a 20 or 30 something disgruntled socially unbalanced hate filled twit say that could possibly upset a man with over six decades experience of dealing with this shitty planet? But I digress.
I guess it could be kinda like artists and writers responding to critics - some it bothers and some it doesn't. And some learn how to not let it bother them. I guess I'm in that last catagory. I'm a very feeling individual (a MAN no less tee hee) so I feel every reply I get. I've finally developed a detachment from all this though. You see, as I said before, I'm a late comer to the internet world. I grew up without computers and all these sophisticated eletronic gizmos we have now, so I know what real reality feels like. All I have to do to seperate myself from the effects of the internet is switch back to the reality I had in my mind BC - Before Computers. Now excuse me while I go to youtube to see how many hits my latest video has while I fight off false feelings of hoping it will go viral and I will be discovered and become rich and famous so I can go to Korea and be a musician in SNSDs group. Boo hoo hoo